You could be obsessed thinking back on conversations you’ve had with fellow coworkers or friends that you felt were forced or one sided, second guessing everything from the way you stand to the way you hold your mug just right.  You could wonder if perhaps your tone had been too rude, and you had accidentally hurt the other person's feelings without meaning to; but didn’t want to bring it up in fear of embarrassment in case they didn’t even remember what you were talking about.

To many thoughts,  One thought leads to another leads to another, to the point where it seems like you're standing in some kind of courtroom where all the possible scenarios that you could have taken part in are on trial.

And you are still sitting there. Still thinking. Wondering. Waiting. Waiting for the moment when you finally know what to do. Except- the moment rarely comes, oftentimes forced upon you. And you realize you really have no idea what to do, because for all your thinking; all your time spent trying to understand the situation, a lot of it was more centered towards a fear. Of something going wrong. In your head; thinking begins to be less about finding an answer and more about finding a version of the answer that carries no risk.

And that answer does not exist.

Perhaps the cruelest part of overthinking is that you're not necessarily avoiding the decision out of indifference, but. . .you might care so much that the possibility of getting it wrong is intolerable to you. You want to make the right choice, and want to make it so badly that you start believing there must be a perfect answer buried among all the ones you haven't considered yet.

So you keep looking. You ask yourself what if. 

What if I fail?

(my friend, what if you fly?)

No amount of mind breaking will ever give you a guarantee of the outcome. You can think through each and every possible consequence and still be taken by surprise by what takes place. You can make the most reasonable decision available to you and still be filled with regret. You can make what seems to be the wrong decision and somehow find something good is waiting for you on the other side. There is no version of life where you were ever given the answer to anything before being expected to move on and take action.

Yet overthinkers, us. We often behave as if there is. And we find ourselves to be in chains when it comes to moving forward without the thoughts in your head clouding your judgement. Because moving forward requires something that overthinking hates. Uncertainty. You have to accept that you will not know everything, yet can’t help but try. You worry you might embarrass yourself. That someone might misunderstand you. That you could spend months working toward something and still fail. That the person you trust could hurt you. That the opportunity you were terrified of taking could turn out to be exactly what you needed, or absolutely nothing like what you imagined and regret it.

You have to move without knowing. And for someone who has spent years convincing themselves that thinking enough can prevent pain, that can feel almost impossible.

Psychologist Douglas Mennin described this kind of repetitive negative thought as an “illusion of control,” because the mind is attempting to create safety through endless thinking, even when the thinking itself cannot control the outcome.

An illusion of control.

Perhaps, personally speaking; it is exactly that.

You watch from the corners of your eyes, trying to understand something that had occurred years ago. You only feel understanding will free you, so you retrace the conversation, their face, your words, what you should have said, what they could have meant. Yet the conversation has already happened. And you can’t go back.

But still; you keep returning there because it feels easier than accepting that there is nothing left to change. And this is where overthinking becomes more than simply “thinking too much.”

It becomes a means of residence where you should have left.

You continue to analyse the relationship rather than accept that it has ended. You continue to analyse the opportunity rather than accept it. You continue to analyse your errors of commission rather than allow it to make you someone who does not do them again. Analyze. That's all you can do, because it’s easier than accepting it.

We call it reflection. And yes, sometimes it is. But sometimes reflection becomes another word for standing still. There is nothing wrong with thinking deeply. In fact, there is something valuable about being a person like that. Someone who considers their choices carefully and doesn’t go on with their life making decisions too quickly or trusting too easily. The problem begins when thought becomes a substitute for action. When you unnecessarily feel the need to understand everything before you allow yourself to take the first step.

Because you never will. There will always be another possibility you haven't considered. Another reason to wait. Another scenario that could go wrong. Another question. Another, another, and another-

Do not, ever allow your fear to stop you from doing something that feels right.

Regardless if you make a mistake, you will have another chance. You will still live and breathe. You will still have more decisions to make.

And perhaps that is something we need to understand eventually. We don’t need to know that the road ahead is safe before we take our first step. We only need to accept that standing where we are forever isn’t much better than whatever lays ahead.