Sometimes, that person we know, the one who never gives up, is simply the one who doesn’t understand what else to do. They may have failed, gotten tired or frustrated. Definitely doubted themselves. They may have even sat somewhere alone and think whether it's all worth the trouble, then wake up the next morning and go on again regardless.
It is not always about the revelation of one's true purpose. Sometimes they simply make another cup of tea and get back to work.
That's the quiet part nobody notices.
We tend to notice persistence when it produces something. The person who finally gets the promotion. The athlete who eventually wins. The student who passes after failing. The business that survives after nearly collapsing. We look at the outcome and call it perseverance. But perseverance existed long before the result. It existed in all those ordinary days where nothing seemed to be changing. The applications that were rejected. The mornings where getting out of bed felt unnecessarily difficult. The attempts nobody congratulated them for. The hours spent learning something they were terrible at. The conversations where they had to convince themselves not to quit. The countless moments where nobody was watching. That's where I think the real strength is.
Because it’s easy to keep going when you're winning. It is much harder when there is no evidence that continuing will actually work.
There is a particular kind of loneliness in trying again after something has already failed. The first attempt can still contain excitement. The second attempt carries memory. You know what went wrong last time. By the third, perhaps you're no longer even afraid of failing. You're afraid of being right about yourself. And still, some people try again. Sometimes they simply refuse to let one failure become the final definition of who they are, and that’s an important distinction. It’s about deciding what failure means about you.
You can fail an exam and decide you're stupid. You can lose a job and decide you're incapable. You can have a relationship fall apart and decide you're impossible to love. You can make one terrible decision and spend years convincing yourself that you are simply the kind of person who makes terrible decisions. So one event becomes a pattern. And the pattern becomes an identity. Then once it becomes an identity, why would you try again?
Perhaps that's why some people seem almost strangely stubborn about their lives. They aren't necessarily convinced that they will succeed. They just don’t want to give up to failure. There is something special about admitting that you don’t know whether something will work, but trying it regardless.
A person who never gives up has a possibility to change his mind. He can stop pursuing one goal and go for something else. He can understand that the dream he’s been pursuing wasn’t his. He can take a break. He can admit that something doesn’t work. He can walk away from the situation which destroys him.
This is not giving up at all. Sometimes continuing means changing direction.
And perhaps that's another thing we misunderstand about persistence. We imagine it as walking directly towards the same destination regardless of what happens. However, life doesn't work like that. At times, the best thing to do is just give up trying to bust through the door because you suddenly see another door next to it. It is possible to stubbornly refuse to give up without also stubbornly refusing to change. Indeed, at times, it might even be the only thing that enables you to carry on. There will be some people who will believe that you are simply wasting your time. There will be those who will advise you to be realistic. They may look at your previous failures and think they are protecting you from another one.
And perhaps they are.
But they aren't living your life.
Only you can understand the significance of an object for yourself. Only you can determine if you chase a particular thing for its significance or due to fear of accepting the fact that you do not want it anymore. That is how the idea of persistence becomes more difficult. Since not letting go is not about knowing when to stop. Sometimes you have to give up on a plan for the sake of the person behind it. Sometimes you have to let go of the belief that your life is supposed to be a particular way by a certain age. And then you continue. Perhaps with less certainty, less enthusiasm. But you continue.
I think people underestimate how much courage it takes to start over when you no longer feel particularly courageous. We like our heroes determined and confident. We like the person who gets knocked down to immediately stand up with some perfect speech about how they will never surrender.
Real life is rarely that cinematic.
Sometimes you stay down for a while.
Sometimes you cry. But so long as you're able to get up by the end of it, even if with a mere crutch; there is still hope.
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