Dear Summer,

I know its been some time that I have been acting quite weird and that has also revealed to me that your love is now gone. I asked you the last time we met that is there still a chance for our union and you said "yes", though the yes was as weak as the day you said yes before when I asked, "will you marry me"?

In both cases, there was slight reluctance and uncertainty. I believe when I asked before, the hesitance came from the reasons of being newly in love and the idea of romance with a guy who is 5 years younger than you, is figuring out most of his life, is in a lower financial status and you just met this summer so seemed out of the ordinary. But the butterflies in your stomach and the sparkle of your eyes showed me too that maybe there was a chance.

Now the reluctance came from reasons not like the first one. Here the reason was the hidden certainty of a NO that I heard even when you said Yes. I saw the pity in your eyes, and that my dear is more dangerous than hatred. You can always love a man you hate, but pity and love can never live for one person in a single heart. These are like knaves pressing against each other, that's the name I would give these abstact substances. Maybe stalagmites and stalactites. Impossible to have both in one place.

But what can I do, for I love you and want to prove it to you, give you that eureka moment when you realize that you are capable of loving me too. I want to not talk about the material aspects of a relation, but it is hard to not mention them when they are the sole reason behind your departure. 

The prince you are about to marry earned nothing himself. How unfair of Allah to just put a person in a position to get someone I most dearly want with all my heart without him even trying for it once. 

how unfair that the love I get, I have to pay for it while he gets it handed to him like he owned you already. How unfair that I keep myself away from every bad thing in this world to become the perfect partner for someone like you, and then when I do find you, I find you being placed in the posession of someone who I feel doesn't deserve you. 

Our situation is similar to what the world saw when the Koh-e-noor was taken from the subcontinent and handed over to UK, still sitting there in a crown like an award of something they never deserved. The similarity being that all this happened, people got enraged and raised their voice against this injustice. The difference being that people knew about that and about this injustice, no one knows that my Koh-e-noor is being taken away from me.

However, no matter how much I try, you have become like that slipping sand, the tighter I grasp, the more it slips. And as an adult I feel like I understand what has been going on within your mind, although if I put it into words, you would deny it promptly but still one recognizes something familiar when one sees it.

I am not sad about you leaving. Let me correct my sentence. I am not sad about ONLY you leaving but there are other aspects as well which are contributing to the collective pain. Let's take some time to talk about them.

When I met you today, I was expecting to see something else from your end. Maybe a bit of anger, maybe some amount arrogance that you held back the day I pushed you away with harsh words. I thought you would have wanted to reciprocate it with the same words but there was no such instant.

It made me realize that you my friend are the collapse of my fantasy. 

What my fantasy is you ask? Read about that in my next blog coming up soon titled  The collapse of my fantasy.